In this installment, my dad reflects on the latest Iggy the Plumber post and registers his confusion about pierogi porn (“I don’t get the whole thing what it’s all about.”) You’ll need some backstory before you press play, though.

My dad, who recently learned how to record and send voice memos on his iPad, actually e-mailed this message to my sister, not me. He is inquiring about her eyelids because she’s had an unfortunate case of contact dermatitis around the eyes. (It’s cool; she’s treating it topically. With sheep’s milk yogurt. So.) When he refers to Asi (pronounced Ashi), he’s talking about me. That’s my nickname in Polish.

I love his insinuation that my sister and I basically let ourselves go in college. As if we were a couple of ragamuffins who could barely be bothered with a clean change of clothes or a swipe of deodorant. Also, it sounds like he recorded this in the middle of a nap. Are we boring you, Dad?