This is Iggy the Plumber (circa 1980s). He's my dad. He's got some advice for you. Listen up.

Things I’ve Learned from My Dad
*And what he really meant

(Find 1 – 3 here.) 

4. You don’t need so much makeup. You not going to a Hollywood,  you going to school.

When my sister and I were in high school, our morning dressing routines were lengthy productions that technically began with the planning of outfits and hairstyles the night before. I was the more laid-back of us; it was my sister who kept a wardrobe calendar, recording each day’s outfit like a Jenny Craig dieter tracking her daily caloric intake. She consulted her calendar with the planning of each new outfit, taking care not to repeat an ensemble within a two-week time period (lest someone notice that Tuesday’s leggings were also worn last Friday).

Come morning, my sister and I took our places in front of the double-wide mirror of our bathroom and set out to the hour-long business of beautifying ourselves for school. Our faces were exfoliated and moisturized, our hair spritzed and scrunched and pinned. We’d lug out our Caboodles kits (makeup organizers that looked to be a handyman’s toolbox, only the color of cotton candy), opening their multi-tiered compartments to reveal our drug store-brand powders and glosses. Unskillfully, we smeared our faces with color, an act that stopped my dad in his tracks every morning. Like a rubbernecker slowing to gawk at a pileup, he stood at the bathroom door and shook his head.

“Why you puttin’ so much makeup?” Continue reading →